I attended North Star Elementary school in 1984 when I was ten years old. My teacher, Mr Kim played an impressionable role in my life. I can recall from the first day of class, Mr Kim had a weird looking hamster. I asked, ‘What kind of hamster is that?” Mr Kim responded, “It’s a Chinchilla, not an hamster. Would you mind looking it up in the encyclopedia?” I looked at him nervously “What is an encyclopedia?” He looked at me and smiled, “It’s one of those brown hard covered books over there on the third shelf, just to the right of you”, he paused “not my right, but yours”. I walked over to the shelf and picked up the book. He smiled and continued, “would you mind reading out loud what the encyclopedia says about the Chinchilla Carlos?” My lips curled into a frown, “I should have remained silent. The rat had a striking resemblance to an hamster and now I’m being asked to read”. Mr Kim probed further, “Carlos please identify the Chinchilla”. I was embarrassed and ashamed to admit that I did not know how to read and so I fabricated a story. “The Chinchilla is a rat that lives in the country of Mexico”. Mr Kim did not believe my words. He looked at me directly and asked, “Carlos, can you read?” I sat in silence with my head lowered, staring intently at the oval shaped table. I was dreading this day my entire life and in a moment of defeat, I reluctantly admitted, “No, I cannot read”. My secret was out. I tried hard to fight back tears. Mr Kim walked towards my desk and tilted my face towards his, “I think someone has done a disservice and a great injustice by not teaching you how to read. I promise to dedicate my time to ensure that you learn how to read!” The months that followed changed my life immensely. We started reading syllable words such as cat, dog. We moved to more complex words like garbage and soapbox. We continued this process until I could read entire paragraphs and finally books. My confidence grew and I developed a love for books. I loved all books; from the glossy ones to the hardcover ones tucked away at the base of library shelves. My very first library card came from one of the oldest public libraries in Minnesota on Emerson and Olson Highway in North Minneapolis.
At that time I did not realize I was at a huge disadvantage with my illiteracy. Prior to moving to Minnesota, I lived in the slums of St Louis, MO. On several occasions my grandmother would tell me to visit the the neighborhood grocery store to pick up items for our meals. The list would include spices, oysters, cornmeal, tomatoes, and sweet milk known as carnation milk. During these visits, I would detour to the neighborhood tavern known as Harry’s located on Saint Louis Avenue and Spring St. Harry would be standing behind the bar with a cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth. “Red!” he scolded “just where do you think you are headed. Get the hell up out of here boy!” I slipped past the bar towards the kitchen where the patrons gossiped loudly about explicit content. Once caught by Harry, I scurried towards the exit. Back at the grocery store, no one knew I could not read. I would complete my usual routine, asking other shoppers to direct me to the aisle where I could locate each product. Everyone was helpful, so I was able to conceal my secret. At school however, due to my illiteracy, I remained in the first grade for two additional years. In St Louis, Missouri, during the 70s and 80s, the school systems still administered punishments such as public beatings with makeshift bamboo whips. These beatings were designed to be humiliating; leaving illiterate students even more ashamed and isolated.
I was flogged ten lashes per incident while my peers witnessed. I am still branded with the scars. Being penalized for my failure to read was discouraging. I hated school and began to skip classes which became the catalyst for my life of crime. I made immense progress since learning to read. One may never understand the shame and burden of hiding one’s illiteracy. I am thankful for teachers like Mr Kim who defy the norm and exhibit the courage to challenge broken systems and help others grow. I implore those who are able to read to share some time with someone who cannot. In the words of Marcus Garvey, “Ignorance carries the burden of the world while intelligence rules the world”.
Narrative submitted by Carlos Smith
