My name is Malcom often known as Bishop. I was born and raised in the beautiful but ruthless city of Chicago until I moved to South Minneapolis when I was fifteen years old. Six months later and only two weeks after my sixteenth birthday, I committed a murder and was arrested that evening. Within a two month span after my arrest, I waived my rights to be tried as a juvenile (unknowingly to me at the time of what that really meant) and I was certified as an adult. From one harsh environment to the next. Twenty five to seventeen years was the accepted plea bargain. A man and a boy fighting for the same face. “Everyday…a man that’s reliving a boys nightmare.”
As scientists say, our frontal label( the cognitive part of the brain) doesn’t usually reach its full maturity stage until our mid-twenties but here I am being held responsible for a child’s decision. Now granted at the age I was well aware of right from wrong with no doubt, but the true question is, was I fully aware of the longevity of my decision that day and the overall effect that my poor choice will have on not only myself but also my loved ones along with the victim’s loved ones. How could any child at that age comprehend the gravity of a choice such as murder if they’re mentally incapable of doing so. Life consist of stages both mentally and physically with very few exceptions but the costs expect us to understand these concepts regardless of what scientist have proven. It’s like expecting a newborn to start walking only two months after birth.
I’ve grown to understand the principal of how society and the courts view “Criminals” and most of all that this one decision doesn’t define who I am entirely as a person nor will I let it. If people tried to dig deeper and figure out what trauma led to a persons decisions rather than judge and ridicule without knowing anything else about them besides the details of their crime, maybe then a level of compassion and understanding could be reached on all ends and we as a whole could put a halt to this system “Hurt people…..Hurt people.” Also at that age, morals and values are either poorly misplaced in street culture or non existence at all. And on top of many things I would tell my younger self, the number one will be a quote that I now live by, “Never make a permanent decision on temporarily feelings.” Somethings that a lot of us both men and women fall victim to at all ages….our emotions during the moment.
This type of knowledge and overall awareness is what I needed during my younger years at complete confusion and chaos. Now that I’m well equipped on what’s needed for troubled youth like I once was, upon release, I plan to couch football (a passion of mine) along with being a high school counselor. Those are the years where life really starts to hit hard for many teens and if I’m able to catch them at the most vulnerable point then hopefully they’ll be able to avoid future misfortune later on in life.
Think about the saying; “How am I supposed to live like an Angel in Hell?” In other words, human beings are creatures who adapt to their environment. How can you really fault those that make decisions with limited options and an unbearable environemnt. We do as were taught and though we may have beautiful hearts made of gold that is meant to shine bright, how could we ever show it if were engulfed in darkness with no one to guide us out?
I will be that beam of light for troubled youths….. I will help lead many out from the abyss.
Narrative submitted by Malcom M. Jackson